Perhaps the most overlooked aspect of food issues is self-hatred and loathing. I cannot remember a time in my life when I ever esteemed myself in any healthy way and it has plagued me throughout my adult life. I've lost jobs, friends, relationships and opportunities of all kinds to my self-loathing and for no good reason. And there is no reason really as I'm not a bad person.
My self-hatred finds any little thing to focus on and use as an excuse for beratement. It's like some compulsive OCD tape playing over and over in my head how stupid I am, how ridiculous, so boring, such a loser, etc. Honestly, it's not even true, which is the most ridiculous part of it. I know that I'm not stupid or boring. I just hate myself relentlessly and I take it out on myself with food and inactivity. I'm always denying myself good things, I don't go anywhere or meet new people. Well, OK, that is boring, but that's my punishment for hating myself so well. I don't deserve anything interesting. It's making me nutty.
I spent the past few days obsessing over what I am going to do regarding my ongoing obesity, which is at an absolute crisis point in my opinion. It's now or never. I'm 50 years old and if I don't solve it now I never will. I know I need to reinvent myself and I've failed so many times that I'm really panicking. I know how I am with this issue, I do very well for awhile and then it all starts to crumble and I get discouraged and depressed and start eating and freaking out and finally give up and go back to my usual nonsense.
So, I was racking my brain trying to figure out how I was going to tackle this issue and succeed and I spent hours and hours consulting my trusty tarot cards (another one of my compulsive pursuits) and finally it all came down to my self-hatred. As long as I hate myself, I will fail.
So now what? I've been trying to not hate myself for years and failed there too.
Several years ago I discovered EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and used it successfully for some physical symptoms I was having, but I never really was able to crack the nut of my compulsive eating. Straight on attacks at my food issues have been a bust for me. According to my tarot readings, my weight will go down ONLY if I stop hating myself. So now, I think I'll have to take a whack at self-hatred and see if it doesn't help. Dearest God, I hope so... I really don't know how much longer I can take being so fat.
FYI - EFT is a simple technique that involves tapping gently on the meridian points of the body while saying specific affirmations on the issues you wish to relieve. It's like acupuncture without the needles. You can get free information about EFT on their web site and download a free manual to help you figure it out. They also have a free newsletter.
2021 Review Thingo
-
Belated happy new year, comrades! Here’s the thirteenth
annual instalment of Review Thingo. All previous episodes are here. 1. What
did you do in 2021 th...
2 years ago
Posts
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteyes I agree with you. self hatred can be a huge problem!
self hatred has to be countered with selfishness and self love since only a person who had a self can be selfish. you need self help so pull urself up by your bootstraps since no one else will do it for you. you are your own best friend and you are your own worst enemy. its you against you. by getting around your ego you will re-solve obesity. what you resist will persist. give your body a reason and it will shed the fat. drop all that tension and body armor and also let your breath out completely time to time. it is infinitely relaxing. stress relief via rest and relaxation help too. finally keep a food and mood journal. that will do the trick since all it takes is all you got.
ReplyDelete